Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
