Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
