OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
