you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
