Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
