you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
