So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
