This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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