Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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