maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need a beard to bite.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
