Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
