I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
