I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
