guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my being single is dangerous.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
