yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
