And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
worst night to have a conscience
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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