were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
