If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
