Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
