Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
