So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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