And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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