Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
