So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
