Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
