I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
