I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
