yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
