Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
