so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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