I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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