your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
