I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
