24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
