You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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