all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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