My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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