I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
zippers are such a cool invention
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
