someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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