Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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