Will you blow on my dice?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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