Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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