I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You dont lie about slip and slides
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
