That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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