so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
