Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Come see our sink grown plant.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
