Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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