I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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