I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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