so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
